No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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