Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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