i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
