he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
