That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
