i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
