ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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