So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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