Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
