this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
