it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
