at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
