i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.