does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger