Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.