yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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