The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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