why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
