So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
