As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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