How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
