so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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