The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
