i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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