she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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