Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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