dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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