if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Two words: blizzard sex
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
