I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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