Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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