1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
