hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
