According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
