Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
