32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
