my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
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