I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
