dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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