My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
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Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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