Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
