dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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