There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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