its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
