There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
