How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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