i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
