lets start a swedish sibling band together
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
