I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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