please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Operation Purity has been aborted
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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