My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
