Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
