if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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