Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
