i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
