If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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