Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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