they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
