lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's blow job season.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
